Sometimes the past speaks true for the present.
by Through Inspiration
This is a poem I wrote at some point last year when I was having some self doubts and general questions about what the hell I am doing with my life! I found it again this morning and it couldn’t come at a better time. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t feeling some of those same things. Not that I don’t know what the hell I am doing in my life but more that I am feeling deeply challenged. I spent my day yesterday at WOFAK (Women Fighting AIDS in Kenya), I am working with them for my ISP. Overall it was an eye opening and inspirational experience. That being said, I left with a lot of it weighing heavy on my heart. What is my purpose there? How am I helping? Am I really helping at all? How can life be so harsh for so many? Most of all I was left feeling guilty that I am an outsider, a privileged student marching into these women’s lives studying them and asking them to tell me their stories. Why should they? They studied me carefully, spoke honestly, openly and very frankly about their struggles. Their pain is real. Their hardships are real. They looked at me and spoke to me as though I had something very significant to offer them. I didn’t feel this way sitting next to their beds, their bodies melting away in front of my eyes, in their one room homes shared among 5 people or more. I was totally helpless, embarrassed and felt ignorant. Then I read this again…
The time has come to delve into self-exploration,
To deny no opportunities and to plow forward, head first into the pure loveliness of the unknown
The time has come to be braver than once imagined
To take charge with an unwavering sense of capability
It is a time of true forgiveness
To forgive the ones who’ve done wrong by you, and to forgive yourself in all your complexity.
The time has come for your obstacles to slip off and melt away
Leaving you vulnerable and undoubtedly ready
To stand tall and face the world.
After careful reflection I need to remind myself that I am offering them my ear, my heart and my compassion. I am listening to them when many others may not be. I know I do not have the answers, the cure, or the money to free them from their suffering and I need to be okay with this. I will be okay with this. I am sure it will get harder as the next few weeks carry on. I will continue to tell myself that I may not be able to give them exactly what they need in that moment, but my intentions are pure and true.